this time feels unique. his looks are different. the touch. the kiss is soft and gentle, not rushed. he acts like we have all the time in the world, and soon enough i notice the feeling has rubbed onto me. slow speech. easy listening. rain walks. dive bars. feet to feet. side by side. under the covers we share secrets NO BUT FOR REAL THIS TIME IT'S NOT A BLOW JOB. for real this time i'm not blowing cocaine to get my head straight. he tells me FOR REAL THIS TIME I'M NOT HATING EVERYTHING IN FRONT OF ME. we intoxicate eachother with ideas and touches and laughter. he is a gentleman. i am hmm. i don't know what i am. he says i am wonderful. new words. now i hear new things. i am wonderful. i am beautiful. i see him and i think he is sexual. he is powerful. he is full of imagination and wit. we laugh at the same things. he drinks his coffee black. rolls his cigarettes. he has a boy's face. that curly hair. astonishing. they never let me read to them. he kissed every word that came out of my mouth. every single one. i just don't know how to play this game. i don't know who's turn it is now. this is straight from the top- the beginning! slow dancing. swaying. feeling everything through a total stranger who now has become my enlightenment. i can't even begin to feel afraid. i wonder who he is falling in love with.