the james look-a-like talks a lot about lord of the rings or should i say LOTR and we never talk, i just overhear him all of the time and i would hate to know that much about that thing.

but i am glad that he always seems logistically happy.

on the other hand, there is a girl here who i told i would call back to hang out and i never did because i figured her out to be skitzophrenic, but i think i am going to offer some kind of apology i just don't even know where to start.

my first instinct is to lie.

but i am going to get that out of my system right now. DON'T LIE. okay... breath. okay.

i will just lie to my new entry:

hey... kat.. what's going on? .... oh, i've been working a lot. um. i just wanted to say that i'm so sorry i never got in touch with you! my phone service was cut off until just recently and my phone book on it was erased, so i only know the new numbers that call me and then i have to restore them... anyway.. i'm glad i ran into you. how have you been?

okay. it's out of my fucking mutilated system.

i'm out of my head sometimes. i will tell her the truth. in ten minutes.

i feel bad about wanting to lie to her because i know i still have the choice but so many times i have wanted people to tell me the truth why they haven't called and they haven't so i will take the plunge.

i will say????

um.

i will say:

hey kat. can i talk to you? (hopefully she will say yeah) about last week... i'm a real fucking sleaze when i am drunk. i left because i got nervous. it's not that i don't like you it's that i don't know you well yet and to get totally intox with you bugged me because i didn't want to do anything i would regret later (like trash your house or run around naked in your parking lot) and i haven't had a chance in hell of seeing you in person and i'd rather see you here in person than on the phone because i wanted you to know i am sincere.

please fucking forgive my sorry ass.

please.

please.

ok let's go get an early afternoon drink. please.

please.

fuck i give in it's on me.

okay wonderful.