what is this? i am being punished for ______? fever. sweating. blood. confusion. call her and she won't take me to the doctor. i am going pale, throw up breakfast, i call her. she says i'm selfish. she can't take me to the hospital now because she has a hair appointment and she gets 25percent off. i hope there is an earthquake and the shears poke her in the head a dozen times. i've got translucence spilling out my throat and there are pieces of me falling everywhere and i could drip my melting self in the sewer if i were to step outside. she doesn't believe me. come home and let me spit on you and piss on you and i want to throw up all over you and cover you in my sickness and make you depressed. i just hid all of your pills!!! i just hid them all! hahahhahahahhaha! i just hid your oxycontin and your sleeping pills and your magic meds that make you smile all the time and give you energy and make you lose the weight! they are all gone from you, you miserable wretch of a fucking mother! i found the rest of your wine and i put it away, because there is no way i am going to let you float through my demise like a lilly pad or a cloud or whatever you become when you eat all of your pills for breakfast and lunch and dinner and you always swish them down with slim fast, you skinny fucking whore.

i am going to my bed, now. there are no pills for me. there is no diagnosis. there are no helpful solutions. just a pale face, wandering pupils, a hazy glare, sore muscles, depression from your lackluster mothering, and a sore, scratchy throat from the bleeding and the vomiting.

thanks.