oversexed, tortured, sad, suicidal, irresponsible, miserable, drunken, fixated.

my wallet wasn't really lost. i was. i'd sometimes do anything. it's NOT THE FUCKING SEX how can i change that. it's fucking not the SEX. not notnotnontontontontonotnotnotnotnotnotnon. not. notnot. not.

it's not the fucking sex.

it's not the fucking sex.

it's these terrible tears when i see pictures of dead people and when i think of how much i am screwing my life over and over and over again. not worth a penny. not worth a thing. i'm not worth shit.

i'm disrespectful. i'm tired. oh! i'm full of excuses.

and excuse me.

if there is so much there then why is it a problem? it seems like it would be such an approachable thing. too much? i don't know what to say. same as i'm told, i guess. DEAL WITH IT. that is how it is. this is what is.

?

fuck if i know.

i'm whining and complaining.

beating myself up over nothing.

i should just fucking die.

when i get this drunk and no one is holding me i could just die.