you're really close, aren't you? split the bits and full of class we are going to the movies. let's go out to the movies. such a rare occassion this is for me to be here doing this at this hour. this day. the one song is teasemolestationpropaganda. there's a cum stain in my wig. my god what a great lyric. because there is. a fucking cum blotch in the wig. fuck it. natural hair is more tangible. . i should wash that wig. haven't worn it in months. birthing babies with an egg in my wig.

i'm on my um. what hour is this? okay. i'm going on zero hours of sleep + too much internet and i'm =ing about five of what i normally am. (this is: 500% more sexual 500% more beautiful 500% more alone 500% more craving attention 500% i'm not telling any more because this is on the internet that has exhausted my time in the past few nights and i'm not about to break into another long outlandish open-ended run-onsentence) and besides, you're ugly. ohmigod what a wonderful movie. i'm going to the movies. what movie shall i choose? i always sit there, by myself. i always do. i enjoy it. other things i enjoy doing alone to please myself and please me and please others around me when i am by myself: *this is a public servixcxcce announcement*

drink in packed bars late at night, masturbate in the car, eat at nice diners such as the vertigo (and i can't smoke in there, and i never bring a book, so it feels really awk in a delightful way), go to the flea market and garage sales, listen to records, read smutty mags hidden by theology book covers at the coffee shop, make moldings of my face and hands and feet using the sand and dirt at the playground where i once had a wonderful date on a wonderful day and the date continues as i visit the place alone, i hold my own hand sometimes, and hold myself in bed when it's freezing, i cry in public, like while grocery shopping or taking a stroll on hillsborough street. i drive around a lot alone. i thrift shop alone, i play my guitar and sing too much in my room alone, i do drugs mostly alone, i go to the king's matinee sunday shows alone and kristina is my fave bartender. i go to meat-market bars such as hell and the jackpot to pick up strays or others and never follow through, but my god the eye-contact--- i'm getting really good at holding them for extended amounts of time. i go to parties alone. live mostly alone. vacation alone. things i only do in front of others: agree, act like a whore, talk to much, dress up, perform, make up voices and use them, make eyes like i'm horny, suck in my stomach, lick my lips... seems i need to stop being around people... seems i'm never myself. things i would love to do in front of a lover: rub heads with my cat chet for endless hours and stroke his back and kiss his eyes, take a shit, sing, be still, pick flowers, bowl, dance like a gypsy, apply lotion to my elbows and my neck, obsess over my flaws in a mirror or window reflection, clean his house, do drugs, pick out a dress.

things that are filling my mind: i was up so early because i can't sleep. that's why.