sitting upright and breathing really sly listening to yellow submarine feeling my head- i'd usually hate that. really. i'm in a state of: 'yeah, and what else you got for me'. wait. nevermind that. there is nothing else to write. nothing is actually important to me at this moment except this. just this. ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. deeper. in and out- ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. whew. nice. the sound is quite intoxicating. a surplus of serenity. a niceness. i'm thinking a lot of how much i've been sucking and biting my teeth raw to the gums tonite. like an offbeat raver kid. what? i can relate to this. relationships. naw. well, yeah. yeah. i thought i would be really into typing tonite, but i'm more into just not giving a fuck. in a really good way. really 'true/positive' style. this feeling is when i have been honest with myself tonite. i'm a fiend. an addict. perplexing. haha. yeah. i'm that and a cherry on top. with breasts. have i finally figured out how to withstand this? this... this... this. this being. yeah. i have. surely. when i admit that it's all too much for me to take, everything disolves and crumbles into microscopic bits of ash that just blow away when i exhale. i'm doing some sure deep breathing. really deep. and out: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. it's nice to treat your body and mind like this. the rest is just chemicalscience bullshit. it's never too much. never. i could do this every second of every day of every lifetime i will ever inherit. it makes me want to breath. it makes me sit and think and breath and type and think. and all of those other things and i am oh so smart and beautiful. i am. it's not all about long, blonde hair and baby blue eyes, although i've got the eyes covered. it's not all about persuasion. it's the interest at hand and about how much you or i or anyone is willing to risk to be a part of that moment. like magic. totally positive. see? this headache isn't quite the struggle i thought it out to be because now there is this flowing stream of nostalgia and grace and all of that sappy nonsence. i'm making up my mind to share everything and i'm willing to take all risks. and momentize everything. momentize. yeah. it's not all about falling in love and sacrificing. winning bets. it's a whole other story. this life- my life- is about enduring it all and taking this moment and every other i am granted and turning them into what they are. pure and gracious life. and this all comes to me while i am high on a drug that is burning my brain and killing my will to live slowly- with every sixty dollars i place in his hand, i don't mind because this is all i need at the moment, and there. see? i have now shared that moment and i'm in love with it all.