yesterday, i wore a dress my mother would have worn to church or work circa 1982. it was beautiful. i razor cut my hair the way courtney love would probably style it if i called her up to do it for me, and then i went to ciara's new house. smelled like food and i liked the colors. pretty pictures and band practice basement. creature comforts. hammock. no ashtrays. garden. black and white tiles. three tiny c's. a mini video doc on black castle while eating cereal. our four dancing feet. a couple. a pair of pairs. then i went to cup a joe and i saw hudson and he always looks at me, smiles, i smile, then i go to a table, and today it was right next to his, and i honestly don't know if it is some kind of conspiracy or not, but whenever i get there, he either gets uncomfortable or he is just finished doing what he is doing, but he leaves. UNLESS: it is under his terms and he decides that he will talk to me, in which case, i don't mind. he usually is the headier of us two. after that, patrick came up and sat with me and he told me he was going to a show [boy sets fire]. i wanted/didn't want to go. hot men? yes. good music? semi-check yes. drugs? yes. beer? yes. ok. sign me up. i got my ticket and drew exit and i had a moment of reconciliation. at last. thank you. am i the cynic? is he the cynic? hmm. went home and changed my outfit into a skirt and then met at willy's and smoked some hash, then we went to the show. drank. show. bad bands. thennnnnnnnn...

archie and christy and mike and kini and aaron and ... show up and i am so excited i just can't keep my pulse to a minimum and i am so happy and we are hugging and there is so much attention in our space and we are it! and aaron and i do our thing that we do when we have both just gotten high. it's like this awk/sexy thing. we look at each other and turn each other on, and then never do anything about it. yeah. so somehow, he ends up getting a boner and he wants me to see it and he says he is going to the bathroom, and i tell him i want to see it, so i follow him in, and there is a boy pissing, and i notice the mirror and i like my smile, my face, my hair. cute shirt... then the boy leaves and aaron turns around and there it is. big. long. uhhhn. like woah. i blush, cover my open 'woah' mouth and run out. there are our friends. they are like, wha?! that is the boy's bathroom, silly girl. and i'm like, oh yeah, you are right, then archie is like, where is aaron? and then we are found out and it is practically over. the rest of the night gets progressively tireder and hungrier and hot. like sweaty hot. not much there to consume, spit out, and consume again.

i will leave it like this: i can't wait to get high around aaron again. we so need to do this.