yes, ok. i dreamt of empty pizza delivery cars, forensics, hippy sit-ins with entree fees, and dante hugging me from behind.

i am in love with dante and hudson still. these are my innocent loves. i will never feel guilty for my love for these two young men. they are the most beautiful, experienced, funny, elaborate, concocted, random people, and yeah... honestly? i wouldn't mind having them forever.

so why do i never think of them or see them?

that is love. it doesn't even hurt. there is no obsession. there is no planning or wanting or crying. we have our own lives, but i can guarantee that our lives will always cross paths and when they do, it will always leave a mark.

more honesty: when i think of brad, i hurt. when i think of william, i hurt. when i think of rob, no. i guess i don't hurt.

if i were to marry hudson: we would have a loft apartment in chicago or new york or toronto or prague or... and we would probably end up with like three kids sometime in our future, but i would definately start out pushing the 'no children' factor. if i were with him the rest of my life, i would be extremely happy. why? i am twenty-one. i still have time to figure that out. he is the first person in raleigh that i have ever completely opened up to. he is the only one who knows all truths about me. whether he chooses to remember, well. he is sharp. he does remember. i always feel comfortable around him. he makes me want to explore and live out.

dante. dante is a person who provokes me to ask questions. sometimes indecent questions. he encourages me to dress up in a duck suit with my vagina out and parade the grocery store ailes stealing things like ink pens. he is so unique in his knowledge. it is nice to get him in a room alone with no madonna, no distraction, no drunken roommies, and talk and talk and talk. i liked sleeping in his bed a couple times. he got scared that i was falling for him. i was. wow. has it been a year already? my mother was right. time goes so much quicker as you get older and more experienced.

hudson, i want that night in chapel hill again. will it ever happen? i've got a d'angelo record. haha. thanks.