well i've got new jokes new tricks in my pocket looking up all the fun and sly ways wives can let go looking up all those internet creep things like pills and suicidal thrills
empty bed beat my head bloody tears that burning sensation yes that one
i always know the answer i always have known the way out i am holding onto memories of forgetting english i am wondering how far in my brain do i need to wander to get to the closest far memory there i can just relax and set sail i am going there i can feel it i am going to the place i feel free and i feel vulnerable, which is the feeling i like to feel, i feel free when i am in such a state i am ready to be taken advantage of i am ready to go back into time i am ready to sacrifice everything, including my liberty, including my soul, including my memory, i just want it back what i want is i want that feeling i want that feeling of being beaten from the outside
i want the agony of being lustfully hated i want the dark eyes of a stranger fucking my body
i want rusty razorblades tricking my layers into goose pimple mumps and loose diarrhea i want it all i want all that freedom back and all of my passions can come to the surface-- resurface my passions!
i want it all and all of my insides can push out of my eye sockets
what i want is to die in a puddle of semen that covered me whole whilst dreaming of pudding clouds
i just want my life back
to a place where i don't feel so casually hated by somebody sleeping so near
what if he kills me? he would never. he keeps me here, alive, so he can pick and poke at my dripping sockets like a sick, sad, old bird that nobody cares for.