i've got a crush on a young man in town... and the way he looks in my direction is not mundane or casual.

the men and women that i attract are oozing with sex and harmful potential to do major damage to your heart and my organs so next time you've had "a few too many" remember some things:
1. you have horrible taste in women- it's a miracle you landed me.
2. if it came down to it, you could never handle a real affair, only some petty attempt at getting a slutty girl to give you a hand job.
3. you are fucking married, and to me- so when you are drinking and when i am there, keep your nasty slutty thoughts about other women to yourself, or else you may find yourself losing the woman who gave up every other man to be with you.

i can't believe this is even an issue.