the thought totally just passed through my mind like spit fire and now i am delinquent, with a dry face and dry fingertips from soap residue in my bathroom sink. all of the maddening perspiration makes my heart slow down so my legs can breath and my skin and that shallow laughter you find in bars at 1:50. yeah- last call laughter. haha. hah. my heart is missing again. it's missing in action, i hope. missing in non-action seems boring.

there are so many secret plans lingering in my testimony of a head and one is making more sense than the other. i bought three cds from a crack head while pausing in an inert parking lot last night.

one is genesis, with that great I CAN'T DANCE song on it. the other two are even better. the beatles' YELLOW SUBMARINE and a mix cd that was obviously made by a white girl about the age of 25 with a corny humorness to her.

five dollars spent incredibly decently.

my face was hardened gelatin tonite as i rode home and the white clouds followed me, growing in their distance to my car. hardened with delight. a smile so noncautious. i have no fears tonite. i don't even mind being who i am tonite.

there is no fear when i am planning an all inclusive trip to st. lucia, my favorite place in the whole world, for october of 2004. 1,500 is not much to have to save in a ten month period. hell, i'll make that much in the next month. i love life at *THIS* moment.

david told me tonite that if i lose that 35 pounds that i want to lose in the next five months then there will be men all over my ass. and i will have to beat them off with a stick. that sounds funny, considering i do that all of the time already. i can't wait to see what a superficial 35 pounds does to the locals. i hope they love me because they are soon going to not have me. i am going to become famous in the next year and probably move away in the next three. i am working on becoming rich, as well. money seems to be a close sibling to fame. this poverty is a defiant coward. i am ravishingly beautiful.

the stripes painted on my thighs and on my hips tonite looked amazing. my legs were made of porcelain again and here i am, devastatingly handsome in corduroy brown mini skirt. my breasts hang content, sleeping like soldiers at night. they are white like snow and my nipples are pink like bubblegum. the freckle on my neck is very chocolate right now. my knuckles are sexier than my waist at the moment, and they are sexier than marilyn monroe as well. my toes feel like freshly churned butter and my voice sounds like my eyes focused on a blushing boy in a dark room.

daydream.

kissing kissing. you and i here we walk so slow. into the picture, i come from the left, and you come from the right and all is in motion like a revolving door, being pushed by you and it makes me feel relieved. i am alone and i feel your breath on my body. a chill down to my calves. you wake me with a bump to my backside. a hardened lump of sugar. testicles with smiles. i would suck on you like a salted lemon and make a face, too. i would- had you approached me tonite, but you were on the other side of the stairs, and you are in a whole other world, so maybe not right now. my glass of shiraz holds more circumspect heroes, so i don't mind. 'everything expires tonite, there's no denying- even you and i will die, so why are we hesitating?'

goals will last a lifetime. these goals.